Memory
Verses

Quotes for Thought

Humor

Overwork
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep or too much pressure from my job, but now I've found out the real reason that I am always tired. I'm overworked.
      
      The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
      
      There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
      
      Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
      
      2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
      
      14,800,000 people work for State and City Governments. That leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
      
      At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
      
      Given that there are 1,211,998 people in prisons, that leaves just two people to do the work, you and me.
      
      And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!

Handy Tips
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
      
      Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
      
      Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
      
      No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
      
      Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected.)
      
      If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.